what if i stumble, what if i fall?

2009-04-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

fasting...doesn't make you a better person, it accentuates your deficiencies and impels you to do something about it. no longer can one hide behind the busyness of life or the 'good' we do. but face-to-face with our demons, one realises the severity of the situation. deal with them or forever be plagued by them. what's our choice?

2009-03-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

two beds and a coffee machinewhen i'm tempted to let loneliness take reign and affect me... i remember why i do not succumb. because unless it's right (if i dare say... perfect), it's not worth it. to spend the rest of my life wondering what if... or why.and so... i wait. wait on god, trusting in his provision. waiting for the right one, at the right time.

2009-03-23T03:01:00.000-07:00

the day we stop struggling, we're either in heaven... or we've given up going to heaven.it's always easy to say we wanna take the narrow path, till we're actually on it. some days, it's easier being on the path because we really want to be on it. other times, it's just easier because we're not actually consciously aware of the path (are we even on it?).for a really long time (prob since sec sch),

2007-05-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

i just watched phantom of the opera with my sister. it was a great outing. firstly, because i've always wanted to watch phantom the musical; having heard so much about it and watching the movie (which wasn't great), i had to watch the musical for myself. secondly, because it was with my sister, anna. she's really busy so we don't get much time to just hang out but we're still close.what makes

2007-04-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

heading home soon... with 12 hours left in new york, i'm starting to miss the place. i understand why everyone loves manhattan cos i do too. almost everything you could possibly want is here. you have your quaint romantic alleys, bustling cosmopolitan districts, touristy sightseeing spots, and anything and everything you could wanna shop (well... almost). it helps when you eat really well, stay

2007-04-02T01:16:00.000-07:00

i spent the weekend in philadelphia with valerie! =)we didn't do much sightseeing cos there isn't much to see in philly. heh. but we did spend alot of time with the singaporeans in upenn. which was great. they're really a nice bunch of people and i'm thankful that i made so many frenz. its almost as if i was a freshman getting acquainted with the school and trying to make frenz with some of the

2007-03-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

so where was i? lets see... ah yes... after sunday is monday. =pon monday, i ate korean food for lunch and then wanted to go to the met (metropolitan museum of art). however, it was closed. lol. weiming's fren was still telling me about how much she liked it and all over lunch. walked over to the guggenheim museum which was kinda expensive and didn't really look like my kinda thing or i wasn't in

2007-03-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

haven't been updating in awhile. heh. not even sure anyone reads. =pi'm in new york city now. was a bit of a hassle getting here with plane delays and mess-ups with public transport but i arrived at weiming's house safe and sound. he (and his roommate, kenneth) have been treating me super well. i thank god for frenz like this. he's been bringing me everywhere (MoMA, serendipity[!] cafe, times

2007-03-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

Whew. finally, i have time to blog. not much though. only paid for 15 mins but its enough i believe. hmm... where shall i start? from the beginning then...took 5 planes in like 30+ hours. crazy. as a result, i wasn't really jet-lagged, just groggy from on-and-off sleeping. so when i finally reached orange county, my body wasn't ready to last the whole day. it wanted to take short naps here and

2007-03-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

heading off to the airport in about 2 hours time. starting to get a little excited. =) its been more than a year since i've updated my blog. shall use my blog to share my experiences in the states yeah.really hope that i'll enjoy myself but more than that, that i'll learn from the experience and grow. i must lead myself well first before i can think of leading anyone else in the future (be it my

2006-06-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

to live a life worth living...because someone taught me so by living a life which so impacted mine.should i start posting more regularly?i dun wanna (solely) post daily updates on my life... dun wanna write nonsensical stuff...i want this to be what it was meant to be... a place and time for me to reflect.so the question still begs: should i post more?a rhetorical question... if i spend more time

2006-05-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

death. life.it just so happened that i watched one tree hill season 3 this week when keith dies, and people around carry on. or try to. reminded me so much of tyrone. and myself. makes me think of joan. and the people she loves and who love her.death. life.its not the same as black and white. or right and wrong. death's a part of life. in the whole concept of life, there's a portion for other

2006-05-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

gilmore girls. one tree hill. the oc.the lovely bones. the time traveller's wife. the alchemist.how to lose a guy in 10 days, serendipity, love actually.ever wondered why people watch such shows, read such books? even though some people claim that all these shows are essentially the same except for the name changes, setting changes, and slight plot developments; such stuff still endears to

2006-05-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

just thought i should post my thoughts.wanted to go on sat but didn't really wanna either. lack of effort you may call it but perhaps it felt better just praying for her with my cell group, perhaps i can't really deal with such situations that well, perhaps i find it sometimes a little sad (not really fake) but... i dunno, how people gather to remember someone when it could have been done a lot

2006-04-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

i went for life concert 2006 at sajc today. it was good overall but one particular thing stood out for me and that was this guy's testimony. i could feel it. i dunno why. maybe because his testimony was so dramatic. but more probably, it was because i could feel the sincerity and passion in his voice. not that the others were not sincere or what. but rather, i could really hear his willingness to

2006-03-23T05:02:00.000-08:00

been awhile since i've posted. which i like. out of pt i know.can't realli think of what to say so i'll just type and see wat comes out.commissioning didn't seem as high as i thought it would be. until i tossed the cap. elation! truly, all the 8+ months of training came to fruition i suppose. now, my life's journey continues at tuas naval base. doing mainly paperwork i believe. not tt i mind it.

2006-01-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

i realise i didn't post an 'end-of-year' post like mostly everyone else did. that doesn't mean that i didn't reflect on the year though. def not. i had a great xmas and new year thinking bout things and talking thru things with people closest to me. but there's no pt talking bout it now cos its in the past. 2005 was a year of growth. 'nuff said.now... thailand's in the past too. it was a kinda

2005-12-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

i need to get david tao's katrina... i must force myself to go learn david tao, john mayer, jason mraz once i ord or something. basically have the time to improve on my guitar-ing.watched mr and mrs smith in camp recently. realise that i kinda like the show because they have such good chemistry. both jolie and pitt and the characters themselves. i think the first part was quite well scripted and

2005-12-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

i know all illnesses suck but i especially hate stomach nonsense. i've had diarrhoea for 3 days now meaning i had a horrible weekend, and even though the diarrhoea's better, my stomach aches like mad, kinda like cramps. and this morning, both my sisters came down with what i think is food poisoning... vomitting, possible fever. sighz. i hate stomach problems.

2005-12-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

u guys can do no wrong, and even if u did, i'd love you no less for it.hey girl... dunno if u read this, but i love you and i'm sorry for wat i ever did.been watching tons of one tree hill recently. i forgot why i loved tv shows so much. itz cos sometimes, they're a realli gd reflection of life. as much as people try to deny it, lots of tv shows actually try and portray reality. but cos of

2005-11-06T04:08:00.000-08:00

this is me. (at least i think so... at times)i am the boy who am doing this because two of my closest frenz did it, inspiring me cos i think this is a great way of self-discovery (to articulate out the things you always thought but never said out loud).i am the boy who either doesn't say enough because he thinks too carefully about what he should say or talks too much because he gets carried away

2005-10-02T02:58:00.000-07:00

i dunno if anyone will read this. anyway, my blog's realli 99% dead alreadi because i have my journal in camp to write everything down. the purpose of my blog was never to publicise my life or watsoever; it was just meant for me to write what i was too lazy to pen down in a journal.i have a lot of things to say to various people and all, but i'm still unsure if i wanna do it here. i'll leave it

2005-01-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

the good thing about sporadic updating is that almost no one reads ur blog. (at least i hope) so it becomes what it was meant to be in the first place (at least for me), a place to express ur deepest thoughts. anyway, i feel like such an ass now after reading pplz blogs cos it reminds me of the many frenz that i've either lost contact of or drifted slightly away from. now i understand what ****

2004-12-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

i guess famous amos should say something about prom. stupid da =p has it hit u that prom signifies the end of lotsa things? or perhaps just one thing, 'lost' friendships. i.e. the people you'll almost never meet again barring outstanding circumstances. well, it hit me quite a number of times. the close frenz will always be close to ur heart (ttz why they're close) but those on the periphery will

2004-10-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

3 months? wow... 1 month? ouch... studying? u better be... me? not realli... 'He had known that she would pass from his hands and eyes, but had thought she could live in his mind, not realising that the very fact that we have loved the dead increases their unreality, and that the more passionately we invoke them the further they recede.' A Passage to India we never consider the afterlife, not

2004-07-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

random thoughts on love (first draft) l-o-v-e the word everyone tries to define but never come close better to have once loved than never loved before? but you'll never truly know will you because you can't be both at the same time love is what makes the world go round? if it is, then wouldn't it spin faster and faster when i see you? but of cos, i'm mistaken that's not love, that's lust but

2004-06-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

wow... itz been how long? almost 2 months, which is gd. meaning almost nobody will still come here. haha. i realised the blogging world is still alive. and kicking. i'm delirious. dun ask why. it'll take too long. i love it how everything works out in the end. and before u slam me for saying tt, u just have to think of what end u have in mind. i just choose to see all the gd things as an end, and

2004-04-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

it's not that i dun care... pls dun think so. if u wanna fault me... then fault me for caring too much. for trying to hard and failing... for thinking too much in things u think are as clear as black and white. but i do care... i realli do.

2004-04-07T05:25:00.000-07:00

dun u just love 'a' names? adele... alexis... astrid... just beautiful names dun u think? i think so...

2004-04-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

too few ppl know what life's truly about... it's like you get caught up in doing everything that you should do that you dun do what you want to do... and in the end, ttz wat truly matters. of cos an education, a gd job, money is impt. but is it that f-ing important that you forgo your happiness? sometimes, i think death doesn't happen often enough. if a special person in our life died every once

2004-03-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

... the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. it was love. ... it was the pure language of the world. it required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. ... because, when ou know that language, it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great

2004-03-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

it's time yet again for one of my reflections on a soppy romantic movie. forces of nature may have a reed-thin plot, relatively poor acting and many other flaws but its simple message stands out. like ben affleck's char said, i believe in one perfect person, that when i meet that person, everything else will fade away. that there'll be a bubble around us. that love's perfect... and its everything

2004-03-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

there's something about never-ending love stories. jag... smallville... many, many others... sometimes u love them, sometimes u hate them. why can't lana and clark ever stay together? because ppl dun like watching happily-ever-afters. sure we want one, but we always like watching conflict. a good piece of literature (theatre, prose, tv) always has a main conflict, and many subconflicts. and it'll

2004-03-08T05:55:00.000-08:00

partner stretch... hehe. guyz screaming... hehe. awkward positions... hehe. how i would love to know what you're thinking rite now... hehe.

2004-03-07T04:24:00.000-08:00

would i rather be angsty or soppy? would i rather be profanity-spouting or love-professing? ... who loves rhetorical questions?

2004-03-03T04:51:00.000-08:00

'in america' is beautiful. why do i believe there is a God in this world so much? because i believe in miracles. i believe in love. i believe love makes the world a nicer world to live in. i believe death's just a part of life. i believe in life after death. i believe i can make a difference. i believe in many things u probably dun understand, much less believe. i know there are many logical

2004-02-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

i need my fix - soppy romantic films tt is. are there any coming up soon? i'm a lil miffed at myself. i dun put enuf effort into my work at times and of cos i get the grades i deserve ( = crap), but then i wonder to myself, y din i put more into it at first? lol. as more responsibilities come my way, i put more expectations upon myself. which is a gd thing... i guess. wanna read house of sand and

2004-01-30T08:24:00.000-08:00

guess what. half a dozen ppl out there think i'm amy and i do free lance or some crap lidat. heh. received 6 prank calls and 3 prank smses in 2 hours? then, someone leaves a voicemail and when i listen to it, its some eerie girl's voice which goes 'hello' in a kiddish way. ugh. i'm positively scared. ppl still read my blog... interesting. tt was the reason for tt 'enamoured' post... to see if u

2004-01-15T06:38:00.000-08:00

hmm... i'm bored. got 4 essays to do by next tues. heh. guess i shud go start doing them... now. i have friendster! yes.. add me all u ppl who still read my blog. which equals none so i guess i'll remain friendless (relatively). ceh245@yahoo.co.uk is my email add. hmm... i'm tired. shall stop spouting nonsense.

2004-01-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

watched 2 'my kinda' shows during the hols... love actually and crazy first love (korean). love actually's more typical soppy romantic comedy type but the satire in crazy first love was hilarious. to me at least. every love show no matter how crappy gives me new insights into love. wat a loser i am. yup, i know. speculating and theorising about a topic i know nuts about. but its probably for the

2004-01-12T05:32:00.000-08:00

i need a gd star-gazing song. for those times when i'm running my 8km 'easy' run and i have to 'lift those heavy legs'. the stars are beautiful... aren't they? just like u and me. wonderfully and creatively made. enamoured is a nice word. doesn't come close to delirious or serendipity but it ain't bad. my scattered thoughts might just come back on a regular basis. depends.

2003-12-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

woah... its been so long. betcha no one comes here anymore, which is gd. u know how working ppl always say students shud enjoy sch and all... i understand how they feel. work's bad. its monotonous, humourless and individualistic. the lack of interaction is prob wat i hate most. sux to bits. i wanna go watch love actually... would anyone wanna go with me? i wanna run off to some beautiful beach

2003-11-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

haven't talked bout my day or the past day in a very long while so i shall. yesterday was a very fun guyz day/nite out. i'm prob gonna get shot for saying something like this, but sometimes its just better w/o girls. less complicated, brainless guy fun. i know i've prob said this b4 but i shall say this again. miss the s4 days. like mad. more often than not recently. k. i think i shall stop

2003-11-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

mediocrity is a lonely place. is it realli? that quote has stuck in my head for quite awhile. i feel like writing a gp essay on it. wat realli is mediocrity? is it more lonely or sad? i think i'm losing my mind. u would like tt wouldn't u? so would i. =P

2003-11-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

dreams. intriguing things they are. wat do they actually mean? a representation of ur subconscious some ppl say. but wat exactly? its weird when u dream all the weirdest things. *doh* oops. not a smart comment there. hmm.. will talk more bout dreams when i gather my thoughts. btw, got friendster alreadi and can't realli be bothered to go add ppl at the moment. so if ur interested, just add me.

2003-11-05T03:42:00.000-08:00

american beauty is realli beautiful. schs ending soon and i'm kinda glad. sometimes, i get so exasperated at trying. but i know tt i just have to take a step back and soon, i'll be fine in no time. raring to go yet again. i realise my first comment was rather out of pt but well. going to dl many movies and watch them. wat am i doing? think i'm losing the plot for having a blog. hmmz.

2003-10-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

no man stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child. talents. we all have them. even though we may think so poorly bout ourselves (perhaps under the fallacious impression of humility), we have them. and we must utilise them. for what purpose and activity all depends on the individual but deep down inside, we know we must use it. if not, how then can we justify possessing that god-given

2003-10-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

after every exam, i tell myself that i should work harder and not disappoint others and myself. but every time, i disappoint myself all the same. itz time... i've told myself time and time again to change for the better. and this time, i'm determined to put my all into the things tt i want to achieve. and grades for once, will be one thing on tt list. even as i say this, i must stress my

2003-10-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

dun u think song should be part of lit? i'm starting to wonder bout it. we talk about tone in poetry so y can't we in song? a song may or may not have a structure. sure, there are trashy songs out there with meaningless lyrics but there are pop books too. if any of my u become a lit teacher or moe nonsense, i'll persuade u to change lit to include song.

2003-10-30T08:07:00.000-08:00

have u ever looked at urself in the mirror? well, u should. cos only then can u see the imperfections in u and the perfection in Him.

2003-10-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

this is like super late but its quite a gd feeling to win something. for all those who dun alreadi know, rj soccer beat vj soccer 3-0 at vj. heh. felt quite gd to win. hopefully, we'll feel that more in the future. promos... so far b, d, d and lit doesn't look to gd. hopefully, i'll be able to do maths s. but if not, i dun mind. promos are the last thing on my mind now and forever. heh. now, is

2003-10-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

your little girl got dealt a bad hand, so did u. Boomtown how unappreciative are we of our wonderful lives. ttz wat they... truly wonderful. we moan and groan at the senseless mindless mugging for promos. we curse and swear when we get... diao-ed. my pt is.. as is always the case (=P), y so unhappy? u know those oft irritating reminders that it takes like <10 muscles to smile and >20 muscles to

2003-10-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

wat am i doing online at this god-forsaken hour? pw. yes, how sad. the only time i come to blog in more than a week is to curse and swear at pw. its sad tt i'm gonna get screwy marks for my pw. the words of simple plan's perfect are simple but kinda apt at times like these. when ur not perfect enough for certain ppl. pathetic radio deejays are... sad. i'm... not as happy as i normally am.

2003-09-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

i dun wanna waste space and time by posting out the lyrics here cos i know most ppl dun pay attention to a whole chunk of lyrics so here goes. go listen to stacie orrico's without love. If I speak in the tongues of angels, but have not love I'm only a resounding noise If I have the gift of knowledge And if my faith moves mountains high But have not love I am nothing

2003-09-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

i'm stuck rite in the middle of the hurricane. everything's whirling around me but yet, i'm still so much a part of it all. trying hard to understand watz going on, trying to make sense of things which change in the blink of an eye, trying to reconcile two sides which seem for the moment polarised. to some, i may seem hopeless, or even naive. cute's the more common word. but i'm confident that

2003-09-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

i am the perennial sickboy. in truth, i am. perhaps the double shot espresso did the trick, perhaps the flu passing around the class... or perhaps its just me. well, i surely do hope the throbbing in my head goes away for 'o the better sir, for he that drinks all nite and is hanged betimes in the morning, may sleep the sounder all the next day' beckons me the morrow. wat great casting by my class

2003-09-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

had an interesting discussion today with several people. one comment that i made was that watz true in science is only so because it hasn't been proven wrong. rite? then, i got carried away sharing my personal views bout... everything. lol. but it was gd. been having quite a few personal conversations with various people recently. its great. for clarity... for diversity of opinions... for support

2003-09-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

this is bad. my comp's full of sad soppy songs which i normally love but late at nite it just makes the mood all wrong for mugging. i mean reading bout how some guy unifies italy or watever doesn't realli go with elva singing a realli nice ballad. i realise i shud blog more often. to satisfy all u peeps (ha chiam and tan) out there who read my blog. ppl who grow more beautiful each time u see

2003-09-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

after an interview of a catholic priest, i waited outside the church for my father to come. i walked across the road so i could get a better view of the oncoming cars to see when my father would arrive and as luck would have it, a cute dog was in the bungalow along the road. he growled at me and i thot he wanted to play growl so i growled back. well, as luck would have it, he progressively got

2003-09-14T04:36:00.000-07:00

just watched everwood, a new show on ch5. i kinda liked it cos of the issues it discusses and its characters. i realised wat show it uncannily resembles... providence. i like WB shows. popular, providence (was it?), gilmore girls... now this. they also produce smallville and charmed. heh. wat an irony. 2 shows that appeal to the masses and the rest.. which are realli witty/thought-provoking. or

2003-09-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

when was the lantern festival? well, i celebrated it tonight, with my loveable sis. at the playground, eating apples, playing pretend, and singing songs and dancing. when i first walked into the lift on the way down, i saw myself in the mirror... carrying a lantern. =P as we were playing pretend, there was a game when we took turns to get off the 'ship' into another country and the other person

2003-09-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

i hate myself everyday at least once... when i talk back to my parents or disobey them. its always the little things tt they do tt piss u off while u can forgive the whole world for killing u. the teenage years are the worst for every parent. while still a kid, i used to play with my parents alot. scrabble, boggle, pacman... then, i alreadi knew my overwhelming desire to win at everything and of

2003-09-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

some ppl just have the ability to express thoughts in words. their words flow like... i can't describe it. lol. ttz why i suck with words. mite have something to do with my pathetic english too. and others have a great voice when u wish they would never stop talking/singing for it sounds like heavenly music. and there are those select few... those precious few that can combine both and u wish...

2003-08-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

found my contact lenses! hooray... but i realised wat a mess i live in. ha. it was on my table, can u believe it? in the pile of notes, worksheets, magz, and wat nots... luckily, i din go order another pair. i realli must tidy up abit. miss the fourkers. we have so much fun together. well, the less the time we spend together, the more i treasure it so maybe it aint all tt bad. i wanna play tennis

2003-08-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

oh forgot to say tt i went to visit my fren who just patched up a hole in his lung. heh. can't see much now... except 3 plasters which cover up the memories of his ordeal. was great fun just hanging out with him and my couz. hmm... not much to say. lol. you and me always... and forever.

2003-08-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

i realised that i realli am damn forgetful. think i've lost my contact lenses. bleah. ttz like 200 bucks wasted cos i use permanent. hmm... lxg. was kinda cool. haven't watched a movie in awhile so... + i was deciding between that and down with love so i had to justify my decision. heh. i can fool myself to think watever i wanna think, i think. make sense? mars is just a teeny weeny red dot but

2003-08-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

finally bought myself a new jacket. seriously hope i dun lose it. thing is, with me i lose my like one possession every week or something lidat. itz quite bad. have lost 3 phones in 1+ year? the joke in my church is that i mite lose my girlfren. no way, man. if i even get one that is. today was quite fun. eye-opener at the subourdinate courts. will i see myself there in the future? i seriously do

2003-08-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

i'm in a blogging craze after reading so many blogs alreadi. someone else knows the word, serendipity! ha! oops... my fav show, quite sparse there. sometimes i wonder inevitably i suppose, if the things i do are genuinely for others, or just myself. guess u never realli can know, can u? cos itz more like a scale rather than black and white (even then itz a scale, oops), and every time itz diff so

2003-08-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

this has to be the first time i'm writing bout villa. woohoo! thank god that doug ellis finally brought in a gd manager in o'leary. even though the match against liverpool could've gone either way, i was mighty pleased (very rollason there) with villa's play. oh yeah, for those of u who dun know, i support an english soccer team called aston villa. yeah, ttz the same league as man utd, who once

2003-08-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her

2003-08-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish i din care so much so that it wouldn't piss me off when ppl do selfish, insensitive things. y? cos the whole world seems to think tt ppl are selfish, put on a mask half the time and are judgemental. i dun believe so but it seems like i'm fighting a losing battle. everyone's making me believe that i'm living in some screwed up world of my own and i'm just fooling myself. watever.

2003-08-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

feel quite satisfied with myself the past few days. been painting the childcare centre (whoever lives near bukit batok west blk 211 go see!), done some hw (ohmigosh, yes its true), playing cm (been a long long time), and just on the whole, enjoying myself. ballroom dancing was quite fun (amazingly) and i'm not as mean as ppl take me to be lah. i can't believe the stupid bits and pieces lady

2003-08-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to fathom what lies beyond the mask that people maintain somehow, that we know not whether to believe in the mask or search further within to find out if the interior befits the exterior, or if everything is just a pretense, a facade. I find it inexplicably impossible to choose between trusting my instincts and trusting my eyes, because both simply possess their own limitations --

2003-08-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish life were black and white (but it ain't) i wish u would talk to me (but u wun) i wish u could take my hurt, sadness and anger (but ur not supposed to) i wish u would call (but ur not there) i wish u would lend a listening ear (u always do) i wish u would miss me the way i miss u (u always have) i wish u would tell me wat to do when the going gets tough (u always let the tough

2003-08-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

today started with a hi, and ended on a high. the laughter shared, tears that shed, told a story of u, sad. changed, it has, from today onwards. to look on life, not as a coward. paths crossed not once, not twice, but forever; were urs, were mine, are ours together. i'll never forget this day, with u, yes, u, every single u, and all i have to say, is 'unforgettable you'.

2003-08-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

have u ever read ur own blog? well, i have and i think it's great cos it gives a great perspective of urself u mite not have known/realised. lotsa plans over the next 2 days and still dunno wat i'll end up doing. we'll see... i resolve to change. i dun wanna disappoint myself so much anymore even though its so easy too. dun wanna divulge into details cos... just dun wanna. i wished for things

2003-08-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

i'm quite delirious! lol... today was chao fun... even though we lost 2-11 i got past the pissed off mood by the 4th goal i think... heh. and guess wat? i scored! it was just like in my dreams... time's running out... i'm in the box... the cross comes in and the goal goes in just as the whistle blows for fulltime! heh... beautiful own goal there off my foot. i was crazily hyper after tt and i was

2003-08-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

man is proud. man is always afraid to admit he is wrong. man resists learning. man doesn't understand the inner workings of another man though the other isn't much different from himself. man is confused, most of the time. man wants companions but man can't deal with companions. man is selfish but man wants to share. i'll continue my 'man' comments another time. and btw, for all u feminists out

2003-07-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

sometimes, or rather most of the time, we go through life without any real purpose. as if we were in some kinda dark forest/swamp, trying to figure our way around just by reaching forward and just walking. hmmz... just wanted to say tt. dunno wat else i shud/want to say bout tt. ifg was fun again as usual. kemmy is a shen! and so is mengxin! realli admire athletic girls... damn pro. got lotsa

2003-07-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

damn bloody tired. just wanna go sleep. had NAPFA retest (which i only have myself to blame for), then ifg. ifg was fun as usual. even though we're prob going to not win anything, i think arts rox. at least the ppl who participate. can feel us knowing each other better alreadi. and yes, learnt alot bout netball today. learnt tt i must pass chest-high balls, and not too hard at girls. thx dawn for

2003-07-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

finally got my comp back... though my mum (who's a know-it-all in her opinion) thinks its cos i din activate Windows or watever, i know itz cos of kazaa. dling all those movies and songs... lol. being sick is gd/bad like most other things. gd cos i get to miss sch and stuff and bad cos itz bloody irritating. always sniffing, clearing my throat, coughing... just saps up all my energy and my mood

2003-07-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

today had interfac games... and then went to meet up with old class and ex-form teachers. was kinda cool... got a little pissed with myself during the 1st game but tt was cos i was playing crap. luckily, i lightened up for the next 2 games cos i realised itz all bout having fun. and go to hell m*****, u have no rite to judge me cos u dun even know me. now i realise why ppl hate him so much. he

2003-07-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

i nearly lost my bag today.. twice. i have this habit of putting it on some table/chair nearby and conveniently walking off when i'm done and forgetting that i was carrying anything when i arrived. i've lost 3 nokia 8250s... countless wallets and bags (amazing isn't it)... shoes... u name it, i've probably lost it b4. but on the bright side, my frenz and i made a fool of ourselves at the bk at

2003-07-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

i have nothing against hard rock bands. i acknowledge that some of them might have great guitar skills... but so wat, i dun like the music. bleah. it just sounds like... noise to me. and i'll prob get a semi-acoustic guitar if i get a guit cos electric's just not my gig. i love u charmian! oops... sounds a bit... off. but man and boy... is great so far. although i've only read halfway, i finally

2003-07-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

i shud stop suanning. hmm. yes. sparstic post. hmmz. yes.

2003-07-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

guyz... i'm getting sick and tired. of trying to organise stuff and nobody (or the same few) turning up. of trying to keep the everlasting memory of the gd years which were sec 3 and 4. of making the effort to go down to such stuff. yes, i know its at my house so its more convenient for me. but i'm more than willing to go anywhere just for u guyz, hope u know tt. itz bloody pissing off to hear

2003-07-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

hmm... let me clarify something. yes, i did write that my perfect girl would be someone who was taller than me so i wouldn't lian lei my children. the context of that was that i remembered when i was younger (prob 12?) and i was pissed that i was short cos ppl kept teasing me bout it (as they still do). then, i would still once in awhile, wish i were tall so i wouldn't have to go through the same

2003-07-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

it's been ages since i last posted anything and i've kinda gathered that more than a handful of people read this so hopefully the long gap in between posts will put people off. hmmz... actually dun have much to say this time except that i'm quite stoked (rite usage?) with my new comp and my maths grade. lol. B. i was actually hoping for an A but after knowing a few questions that i screwed up, i

2003-06-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

dear fren, sorry this is so damn late. i'm pissed with myself for that particular reason. i'm pissed that i haven't been there for u at times when u needed me. i'm pissed that life's treating u so bad. but life's like that. the chinese said it best when they said u must enjoy the sour, sweet, bitter, and hot (bad translation). i guess for me, thats wat i want. i'm not afraid of disappointment

2003-06-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

was planning on blogging later in the morning but i'm afraid something's mite be forgotten. just came back from korea and the place is beautiful in many ways. go there and experience it for yourself if you can. most of all, the people are so... sensitive, warm, basically, better than the average singaporean. i felt tt the moment i came into contact with singaporeans i did not know on the plane.

2003-06-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

8 hours of sleep for 2 days... ouch. slept at 4 and 830 am on consecutive days. but ttz not the pt. the pt is tt i was severely disappointed and disgusted with myself. firstly, i was 90 mins late for a meeting which almost never happens to me. yes, its true. there was a time when punctuality was synonymous with me. now, tardiness has set in and the blame's all on myself. i hate it. but i couldn't

2003-06-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

overdue entry here. watched bowling for columbine on fri with class. wat a wonderful show which could be a little boring for those who did not see the meaning behind it. at first, it seemed that there was no link between the description of racial segregation, history, lax laws, and media, it was all well rounded up by the interview of charles heston. wat irony that it was charles heston who acted

2003-06-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

was just thinking that my background looks realli... young. lol. but i'm fine with it... for the moment at least. feel kinda gd bout sch and stuff cos even though its still irritating and long-drawn at times, there are so many things to perk up ur day. i remembered for the first time today in a long while of how nice and fun the nanyang ppl are. have lost contact with so many of them. and i'm

2003-06-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

was just reflecting on wat i wrote early in the morning 2 days ago... yesterday actually... hmm. abit blabbering but kinda wat i feel. guess early in the morning when the brain is tired is the best time to reflect. my jie wrote me a beautiful letter today. the english wasn't perfect, cancellations were there and the words weren't superfluous. but she meant everything she said with all her heart

2003-05-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

decided to post another thought... was actually considering making a better website but then i remembered, wat was my purpose for having this? not to tell the world things and to communicate with them. but for an avenue for those things i never say enough to come out. so abandon tt thought... never tell me if u read my blog cos itz between u and well, kinda me. if we wanna talk bout anything, we

2003-05-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

2 whole weeks... realli sorry to all those ppl who actually read this. lol. is there anyone out there? i have no tagboard so u have to hope i read ur blog or something. life.. is it better carefree or worrying bout every nitty gritty detail? wat our the priorities? fun? work? love? sighz... phases... we all enter different phases in life and subphases... i hate my current subphase. prob one day,

2003-05-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

sporadic updating nowadays, sorry to whoever reads this. girls... u can't run from them but u can't keep up with them. there's always eye candy around which is nice to see but impossible to get. u know wat i mean if ur a guy. but well, when ur trying to not think bout girls, u always seem to look at the eye candy a lil too much, cos u have nothing to get ur mind off. today and yest were fruitless

2003-05-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

had a nice chat today with a fren of many years. hopefully, we'll have more of those nice chats. napfa's coming up and i have to do a certain number of chinups which i can't do now. hmm... gotta train. we drew against meridien. disappointing but well... sighz. i vowed to myself tt i would train my fitness and speed and ball skills for next year. i hope i can live up to it. itz only a year.

2003-05-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile, quite a long while i know. well, my stomach's finally settled. just a little sore nowadays but it'll be fine (it better be). lotsa things to say so i'll try to make it quick. while i was sick and hurting badly for bout 4 days (the nites were worse), i got to appreciate my parents. they were always there for me to say the least and i feel ashamed of myself at times for behaving

2003-04-28T03:05:00.000-07:00

excruciating. i can't take it soon. i feel so tired, even though i sleep like a pig. pale as a chicken, lifeless like a dead fish. sighz. and i still dunno watz wrong. nobody does it seems. the doctors have tried everything, short of cutting my stomach up. think they might have to do tt soon. to everyone who reads this, please pray to watever God u might know. hopefully its the same one as mine.